A lady!

I saw my first trannie in Chatswood yesterday. Male as female, heavily made up, dressed in a turquoise floral dress and a large black hat. Just a fleeting glance but something about the way s/he stood furtively on the corner made me believe she was a man. I wanted to yell out "But I'm a lady!" Emily Howard (of Little Britain) style. But that would have been rude, so I didn't.

It has been a strange week, capped off by the usual pub shenanigans at the Orchard. Strange because I have been in another headspace while watching myself be productive in real life. Also because my haemoglobin was too low to give blood on Thursday. I'd brought along Hints for his first time and I couldn't give any myself! I'm on ferrous pills now and should be back in the game soon enough.

At the Orchard, The Bear and I had an interesting discussion about travel and then talked about The Intellectual, who is no longer with us. According to her, he said "if you find you're behind deadlines, you can pay me to finish your units for you. You'll find that you'll improve your standing in the company because your writing will have improved."

I think I choked on my drink at that point. For a frame of reference, The Intellectual is a complete academic snob, which pretty much renders his work unreadable because it is too dense (or 'prolix', to borrow from Catch 22). He has this strange, strange belief that you can't be smart and attractive, hence his misapplied vendetta against The Bear and JJ in particular, who have been nothing but nice to him. I'm not one of the beautiful people, so I guess he thought I was smart enough to talk to him. What nerve.

Also memorable:

• Punk Pirate ashing a cigarette on his tongue without touching it with his hands.


• The Ent talking about sniffer dogs at the cricket and me claiming that he was lying about what he said to the police.


• The Chief, Boy Lego and the quest for the aviator sunglasses.


• Punk Pirate puckering up to Blue Rinse then popping a cigarette in his mouth before she realised.


• Boo-urns!


• The Chief throwing a slice of lemon onto patrons below us in my name.


• Boy Lego losing his pants when running down the stairs.


• Boy Lego doing a dance in The Chief's aviator sunnies in front of bemused train passengers.


• The Chief's THREE pairs of sunnies from out his bag.

By the time we got onto the train it was 10:30pm so Old Man River and I walked home together, leaving the other four (The Bear, The Chief, Punk Pirate and Boy Lego) on the train to assail the city. The others had all gone home or elsewhere by that point, but I was being a good girl - a lady! - by returning home at a decent hour and not at all drunk. Whew.