17 December, 2009

Emails to Ticketek

A rational argument, exchanged with Ticketek.

Hello,

I purchased 2 x tickets to the 2009/2010 Cricket Season Aus vs Pak ODI (Sun 24 Jan 2010) on Nov 8. They were meant for my father for Christmas. Unfortunately, I have since discovered that he will be overseas on that date.

Would it be possible to exchange the tickets for equivalent seats at the Aus vs WI ODI match on Feb 12? I understand that this may incur an exchange fee.

======

Thank you for contacting Ticketek.

When a booking is made online all details of your booking are displayed to you. Prior to submitting your payment you also indicate your agreement to our Terms of Sale. (This policy applies to all bookings, including those made over the phone, via www.ticketek.com.au, or at a Ticketek agency or box office.)

Ticketek is unable to offer you a refund or exchange for this transaction.

You are able to view all of our Frequently Asked Questions which also includes our Terms of Sale under our Help page at http://premier.ticketek.com.au/content/help/faqs.aspx


======

Dear Ticketek,

While I understood the terms and conditions at the time of purchasing, I did not know my father would be out of the country at the time. I was hoping you had some sense of Christmas spirit or sensible customer service or something.

Maybe you don't understand the situation:
I'm not made of money.
Being not made of money, I can't buy Aus vs WI tickets until someone buys the Aus vs Pak tickets.
You won't exchange them.
As per your T&C, you won't allow me to sell them either.
So there are going to be two empty seats at the SCG for that game and two seats you could have sold at the other game.
Charge me a fee, I don't care - that's two lots of fees you could have collected for the simple act of putting two seats back on sale and selling another pair.
There's more than a month to go until the match, it's not like you can't resell the seats. All you're doing is preventing ME from reselling the seats. It's a form of restraint of trade.
And now I don't have a Christmas present for my dad despite planning ahead and buying tickets in early November.

I hardly think this issue is 'Solved'.

======

As a once off I am going to refund your current booking minus the handling fee. The credit will take up to 2 business days and you will need to log back into MyTicketek and repurchase the new tickets.

I hope you can understand that Ticketek has an obligation to retain ticket sales on behalf our promoters and venues. Although you didn't know that your father was going to be overseas this doesn't mean our terms of sale become more flexible and that we are always going to be able to change dates or offer refunds on already sold tickets.

Please destroy any printed ezyTickets as they will no longer be valid.


======

And just because I CANNOT let go of how stupid ticketing, as a business, is:

Hello,

Thanks for your response, this is very good news and I appreciate it.

I would suggest one change to Ticketek T&C and that is allowing ticketholders to resell tickets up to face value. That, or develop a forum for people to swap tickets for events they can no longer go to for whatever reason. I'm sure every day of the year someone falls sick or has something urgent come up at the last minute that prevents them from going to an event while others are desperate to get tickets.

Otherwise, how else can ticketholders prevent wasting tickets? There's no system in place.

======

I DARE someone to come up with a system that benefits both the venue/promoter and the ticket agent AND stamps out scalping.

17 October, 2009

The Gospel according to Dr Witmol*

Earlier this week I had the pleasure of attending my client's national conference where the closing address was delivered by the Reverend Tim Costello, head of World Vision Australia (and brother of former Federal Treasurer Peter Costello).

The reverend was an excellent speaker, articulate and engaging, and covered topics from the outcry against executive bonuses, to poverty and climate change. In rolling out the figure that thousands of people (I believe 400,000) died because of the GFC, he said we're now living in a Global Ethical Crisis. However, he argued that the world has lacked certain values all along but it's only because of recent events that we've been able to see them, and that at the furore over excutive bonuses was really just "haggling over the price tag".

[His example was the movie 'Indecent Proposal' (where a millionaire offers a struggling couple a million dollars if he can sleep with the wife) and an anecdote attributed to George Bernard Shaw where Shaw offers an attractive lady 10,000 pounds to spend the night with him. After agonising over it, she agrees. He then offers her a shilling and sixpence. "Mr. Shaw! What do you take me for?" "We have already established what you are," Shaw replies. "Now we are merely haggling over the price."]

I'd beg to differ that whether or not you are buyable equates to a lack of ethics and the amount was just about haggling over price. In any transaction there's a sacrifice on both sides, whether that's money, dignity, values, services etc. While I don't disagree with the reverend about the fact that most of the world has been missing certain values (regarding human lives, the environment etc) all along, if you only look at the direct transaction, you miss the context of why events occur.

For example, an otherwise chaste woman sleeps with a man for $300. Is she a prostitute? Has she sold out on her ethics? Well, what if she were desperately poor and needed the money to buy her child medicine? In this case, the transaction was not actually sex for $300 but sex for health of a child, in effect.

Costello's address was all about interdependency so it was interesting that he did not seem to demonstrate that price tags themselves have interdependencies. In my view, what needs to happen is a good hard look at those interdependencies, identifying what they are and changing things so that we can get more direct correlations between actions and impacts.

But overall, I did agreed with his premise, that we should not be outraged about how much executives are being paid, but rather question on what basis they receive them, considering the social impact certain behaviour has wrought worldwide.

* Please note that I am not a doctor, medical or otherwise. The history of my handle 'Dr Witmol' came from a conversation I, aged 13, had with a friend, whose mother was completing a PhD. Me: "What does PhD stand for?" Her: "Doctor of Philosophy." Me: "Like, 'what is the meaning of life?'"

11 October, 2009

This is Not Art (festival)


Above: The All-Star Literary Smackdown

This is Not Art
Various venues, Newcastle (1-5th October, 2009)

Despite having half a dozen unfinished reviews sitting in the drafts folder on the back end of this blog, I've decided to come through with this one because of the profound effect TINA has on me every time I go.

I'll start by saying that I go to TINA primarily for the National Young Writers' Festival but occasionally (though not this year) go to other sessions under the TINA umbrella. But I have to say it's all about 'the vibe of the thing'.

I drifted in at 1.30pm on Saturday on account of train trouble, which I won't go into (a whole separate blog post) and left on the 2.35pm train to Sydney on Monday, so this is my account of the parts of TINA I did actually attend.

SESSIONS
Adaptation (Sat): For a panel that has been in the making for several years, it was surprising to find this tucked away in a pocket room of the Newcastle City Hall, with predictable audience spillovers. As someone who has often been in debates about book vs movie vs play, I found the overall conclusion to this rather satisfying: that a creation needs to fit the medium, not concern itself with what's left in or left out.

I also liked Marieke Hardy's answer to my question on 'definitive' versions, which was (roughly) 'the medium that best tells the story to an individual', though Philip Gwynne emphatically said: "The book, always the book."

Give me Cleo over Kerouac (Sat): This was a pop culture vs literary panel. I have to admit I've read neither Cleo magazine nor Kerouac's work (though considering the number of times Kerouac kept being mentioned through the weekend I've since picked up 'Windblown World'). Despite the excessive number of panellists, the message came through clearly: it doesn't have to be literary to be good, and pop culture is 'consumed' differently to literature so stop bloody well comparing apples with oranges.

Journalistic Ethics (Sun): Some thought this an oxymoronic title but to that I say: you should have been there. You would have encountered an intelligent discussion of the commercial, political and temporal pressures compromising journalists these days, with the upshot being that we need more transparency, and we need to educate readers so they can identify agendas and read between the lines.

Life in a Lonely Planet (Sun): Travel writing fascinates me, mostly because I'm terrible at it. I'm a decent writer and an enthusiastic traveller, but after this panel, my self-diagnosis is that there's not enough of an internal journey in my travel writing. A lot of the panel focused on how to make a journey your own, which I found a nice contrast to those bland travel articles in mainstream newspapers that pay badly anyway.

'Neon Pilgrim'/'Apply Within' launch (Sun): Caught only the end of this on account of being at the Zine Fair but I did get my copy of 'Neon Pilgrim' signed by Lisa Dempster and learnt that it was actually more difficult to write the book than do the henro michi.

Moving Units (Mon): Marketing has been a dirty word for a very long time but the practical nature of this advice panel was really good at dispelling the myth that you have to sell out to make sales. Among the best tips: choose your marketing medium (ie don't blog if you're not a blogger), don't be afraid to get out there and do as many things as possible, and don't associate yourself with The Chaser if they've just been nationally abused for a sketch they did on TV.

Writing the Big One (Mon): It was a nice insight into the working lives of some very different writers; juggling work, life, study and family with writing as well as dealing with agents and publishers. I think the best thing that came out of it was the message that there's no definitive way to complete a work, you just have to be aware of the issues and navigate them the best way you can. Sigh.

HIJINKS
The All-Star Literary Smackdown (Sat): Fiction vs non-fiction. Well, my bum got sore sitting on the fence as a journo who makes a living off non-fic, but also an aspiring novelist. However, the Smackdown was highly entertaining with both well constructed and ill-conceived point-scoring from both teams. I think the highlight of the night was Shantaram shot-put as the tie-break (followed by Philip Gwynne arm-wrestling Anna Krien for the second tie-break). Maybe use a hardcover copy of 'Shantaram' next time?

The Great Gatsby Ball (Sat): I had on my drop-waist dress, a string of beads around my neck and a ribbon wound around my head as a headband, but without a program or a map at this point I could not for the life of me find the damn venue (which I knew was on King/Thorn but that was it). When I eventually encountered it on the way back to the YHA (having more or less given up at this point) there was a massive line out the front, so I took a detour and went up to The Obelisk.

I did make it down the hill again, and into the venue, to catch the last set of The Civic Big Band that gave the partygoers a grand swing sound to jiggle to. I was mightily impressed with the amount of effort that went into costumes and accessories, with a suprising number of people competent at moving in a 1920s kinda way. Don't ever let anyone tell you that writers don't know how to party in different eras.

Zine Fair & Makers Market (Sun): Despite the Sydney Writers' Festival now hosting a zine fair component in its program, this is still my favourite part of TINA. I like talking to zinesters about their work and I like supporting them, even if it means I skip a meal (yes, once again I blew my entire budget at the fair, which meant I had to find a dinner venue with EFTPOS. It's fortunate the YHA makes me put down a $10 key deposit so I can get a train home).

Every year I think: THIS YEAR I WILL MAKE A ZINE I CAN SELL. And every year I get a little closer. One Side Only #3 will be ready in about 11 months...

Wriron Chef (Sun): A Rosie Pham, Benjamin Law and Lisa Dempster cook-off was always going to be a fun premise, but add Bryan Whalen's random hosting - and a healthy dose of audience participation - and this was a veritable funhouse. This included an audience poll about whether to keep peanut butter in the cupboard or the fridge (cupboard! der!) and Benjamin Law forging a third path: "Who has a nut allergy?"

He was also responsible for the best call of the session: "I'm just going to the toilet to drain my eggs." Maybe this contributed to his eventual win.

Spelling Bee (Sun): This took spelling (and other word nerd processes) to another level, made extremely palatable by beer. The world needs more entertaining competitions based around literary devices hosted by Lawrence Leung with a vendetta against a contestant named Patch.

The best part was the huge amount of audience participation (all the contestants were audience members who'd nominated themselves) and the fact that I learnt a little bit more about grammatical, cheese and font terminology.

Un-Erotic Erotica (Sun): A highly amusing, highly social night out. Loved the MC, Rebecca Meston, and the barrage of literary (an oh-so-un-literary) smut read/performed. Audience engagement was very high, which also makes for a great night out. I think the Mystery Meet followed this reading, which was not nearly as entertaining, especially as I was at that point wedged in a booth with six alternative types with questionable personal hygiene.

RENEW NEWCASTLE
Just also wanted to say a little about Renew Newcastle, a project that takes vacant premises and turns them into cool venues for shops or galleries and the like. Ever since my first TINA (hmm, that would be 2000, I think) I've viewed Newcastle as this dying phoenix, with only the arts to reignite it.

I'm possibly a lot biased because the only times I come to Newcastle are for creative pursuits (TINA as well as The Shoot Out), but thanks to Marcus Westbury, the godfather of Newcastle, the city is a place worth visiting. So, thank you Marcus, for reigniting Newcastle.

A special mention to my favourite Renew venue, Totoro's Teahouse (above) because I love tea and writing and art so very much.

Every time I go to Newcastle I feel inspired and connected (despite not going up with anyone on account of plentiful indifference from several regulars - yeh, I know Lee Tran Lam hosts a radio show on Sunday afternoon, whatever - but I did meet some great people). Can't wait for next year. Will definitely (definitely) have something for the zine fair.

Festival rating: 9/10
Enjoyment rating: 10/10

29 September, 2009

iSnack 2.0: The unfortunate story of Vegecreme

A couple of months ago my mother gave me a jar of the new Vegemite cream cheese hybrid, which I christened Vegecreme. I don't like cream cheese at the best of times (except maybe sandwiched between two lattice biscuits...) but I took it because I'd just run out of Vegemite and I thought it would serve me until I could get another jar.

The next day I immediately went out and bought a large jar of Vegemite. Vegecreme sucks. I mean, if you want Vegemite and cream cheese, go out and buy a fucking jar of Vegemite and a fucking tub of cream cheese and combine them yourself you lazy fucker.

A jar of Vegemite is useful on its own. You can have Vegemite on toast. You can make my favourite toastie (multigrain bread, Vegemite, avocado and cheese). A tub of cream cheese is useful on its own. You can blend it with sugar and lemon and sandwich the chilled results between two lattice biscuits. Together in the one jar it becomes a very poor substitute for Vegemite or salty cream cheese that you can't make into a popular dessert.

So anyway. Kraft ran a competition to name the new product. The name that won? iSnack 2.0. I thought it was a joke or some kind of Twitter mistake, but no, Vegecreme is officially Kraft iSnack 2.0.

There are three main reactions I've gauged thus far:
1) Surely Apple will sue.
2) The name's a piece of crap and the product is a piece of crap.
3) This is a marketing stunt right?

Well...
1) No, Apple doesn't own the 'i' prefix (think iRiver), and certainly not for food products in Australia.
2) Yes, the name doesn't really represent the product. I think it's trying to be clever ('I snack too') but it will date very quickly. And yes, as you've surmised, I think the product is a piece of crap.
3) Yet to be seen. Most people who think it's a marketing stunt are saying things like 'the name's so bad this can only be a marketing stunt'. There's no doubt that the announcement of the name has generated huge amounts of publicity with even The Guardian picking it up. It was a trending topic on Twitter at one point, too.

However, large amounts of publicity does not mean large amounts of sales and I don't see all this hype representing much financial benefit to Kraft. In fact, there has been a huge backlash with negative views on Vegecreme (such as this one!) being written and read that never would have seen the light of day had it not been for the publicity about the name.

So, #vegefail?

There have been upsides to the hype, though. My favourite was the call made by Twitterer @allanmoran: I wonder if iSnack spreads easily on a Rick-Roll :P #vegefail

...but also this gem:

20 September, 2009

And the monkey dances

I once had a friend (actually, I'll call her a frenemy because that's what she turned out to be) who used to enter heaps of competitions and win a lot of prizes. Her strike rate was exceptional, and I later found out why.

The rules and regulations of competitions in Australia insist that if the draw is of a random nature, that the entity running the competition has to apply for a permit in each of the states where the competition is run.

A permit doesn't cost that much, but the process that you have to go through to get one is paperwork heavy, and can take a few weeks. I know this because I once worked for a magazine that ran competitions and I was the dogsbody who had to apply for the permits.

Anyway, the alternative is the free method of running a competition where the entrants compete on skill. A skill-based competition merely needs someone to judge the entry on a basis clearly defined upon entry. Mostly this takes the form of the '25 words or less' creative entry. There are, however, problems with this.

This afternoon I entered a competition to see a film screening of 'Mao's Last Dancer' based on the fascinating story of Li Cunxin, who trained under Madam Mao's ballet school and then while in the USA, defected from China. Li enjoyed a career as a ballet dancer in the USA and Australia, and now lives in Melbourne as a stockbroker. I saw him speak at the Sydney Writer's Festival a couple of years ago and he was quite moving.

The competition, run by Event (formerly Greater Union) cinemas, instructed entrants to, Tell us in 25 words or less why you want to see Mao's Last Dancer, with a text box ready for entries. Below that was the competition basis: All 25 word or less entries will be judged, and the prize/s will be awarded based on the creativity of the answers.

I don't know about you, but it is very difficult to make a reason you want to see a film 'creative'. I want to see the film because I think his story is fascinating and insightful and says a lot about China; a different China to the economic enthusiasm being celebrated worldwide at present.

The 'creativity' basis thus poses a problem. My frenemy revealed to me that she always used rhyming poetry to convey 'creativity'. I was disgusted, and you'll know why if you know my views on poetry, what it is and what it is not. And yet thess rhyme wins prevail. I have won more '25 words or less' competitions with bad rhymes than I have any other way.

(Although there was that glorious time I won tickets to see 'Adaptation' by making a joke about Nicolas Cage 'Being John Travolta' in 'Face/Off', thus also referencing Charlie Kaufman's previous film 'Being John Malkovich') (P.S: When I won the tickets, my frenemy took credit, noting: 'Some of my luck must have rubbed off on you' despite the fact it was a game of SKILL. MY. SKILL.)

So instead of conveying my appreciation for Li's insights to China in a concise, intellectual fashion, monkey-see monkey-do I ended up submitting:

"Economically, China sets the world alight
But Cunxin writes of creative flight
From the nation's poor reality
His life a book and now movie."

Note the embarassingly poor rhyme of 'reality' with 'movie'. And I did this because I thought it would be more likely to get me the tickets than my original 'reason', which was pretty much centred on my admiration of Li and his story.

I want to see a '25 words or less' competition that makes sense. Instead of based on 'creativity', I want Tell us in 25 words or less why you want to see Mao's Last Dancer, with the competition basis being: The prize/s will be awarded based on the best reason.

P.S: I'll let you know whether I get the tickets.

P.P.S: A competition: In the comments section below, tell me in 25 words or less why this entry is wonderful. The prize is my admiration and it will be awarded on the basis of how much I like your entry.

22 August, 2009

Truth be told

I have always believed in absolute truth, but I have also long accepted that truth is always tainted by the interpretation of the beholder. However, this acceptance does not stop me from wanting to bang my head against my keyboard every time people get suckered into something blatantly false.

The suckers of late have been my parents, particularly with regard to their uncertain relationship with the internet and the number of inaccuracies that have bred and thrived in this distorted environment.

I have told both parents on no uncertain terms that I have filtered out all forwarded emails (this has, on occasion, filtered out genuine forwards from people showing me something of interest but the effect, on the whole, has rendered my inbox a peaceful place).

I had a comb through the e-bin this afternoon and came across a really disturbing picture sent to me in a email from my mum about washing bras before wearing them. The premise of the email was to wash your bras before wearing them because they could be full of parasites that would cause the 'damage' in the picture.

The digitally savvy, myself included, can immediately see that although grotesque, the picture is fake, digitally manipulated. Unfortunately someone like my mother cannot. Result is, she panics and sends the email to my sister and I reminding us to wash new bras before we wear them OR ELSE.

This email has also come from a woman who religiously watches 'Border Security' the reality TV show that gives ordinary Australians a snapshot of what organisations like the Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service, Customs and Border Protection and the Department of Immigration and Citizenship go through to save Australia from all sorts of unwanted pests.

I replied with this email:

Mum,

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check is something is really true before you send it around - and tell your friends to do the same. There are so many lies on the internet and so much to worry about in the world that we really can't spare the time to worry about fake things.

The photo is quite obviously digitally manipulated.

You also forget Australia's rigorous quarantine laws and checking procedures.

You can read more about this fake email warning here:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/medical/breastrash.asp

The site www.snopes.com is very good for checking whether something is true. Sometimes, something is true - but the chances of it happening are so slim that it's really not worth passing on.

Now, pass this email back up to the person who sent it to you and ask them to do the same.


The education never stops Chez Witmol.

19 August, 2009

Pay it forward, enviro style

It's all very well that a lot of businesses are now greening their business practices, from producing better, more sustainable and enviro-friendly products in an efficient and enviro-friendly manner, to making their surroundings more eco-friendly and less resource hungry. Yes, by all means keep it up.

But wouldn't it be totally ace if you knew that the people who worked for that company ALSO subscribed to enviro-friendly values and ALSO lived their life in a sustainable manner?

That would mean that all the money you spend on a benevolent product or service goes to the wages of people who also buy benevolent products and services, exponentially extending the power of the dollar towards green goals.

Of course there are plenty of near impossibilities with this idea, largely being able to monitor light green and dark green practices, plus also things like privacy to contend with, but it's a good idea, isn't it?

You could start with smaller businesses not only declaring that their business is environmentally friendly, but that the people in it have those values so that customers feel comfortable putting money into a business where good green intentions are paid forward.

All other things being equal, I would prefer to give my business to someone who has the same green principles as me. It'd be a true green economy.

16 August, 2009

Uighurs

I'd never heard about Uighurs before the recent trouble in western China. I received a shorthand understanding of the situation through Friday's edition of The Week, which is pretty much a summary of the news aimed at lazy people (they say 'busy', but I can tell you it's really 'lazy').

For those after an overview, the Uighurs are a Muslim ethnic minority that live in the far west of China. Earlier this year ethnic tensions exploded between the Uighurs and the Han Chinese (more than 90% of Chinese are of Han ethnicity). The riot was largely based on a false rumour that some Uighur men had raped some Han women.

The first part of the article basically profiled the Uighurs as a group, where they came from, and their history. I got to the part decribing where they live, Xinjiang: "the region's rugged, arid terrain is so inhospitable that it was one of the last areas on earth to be settled". I thought 'huh, why would the Chinese want to annex that?'.

Then it became clear: "Beijing wants the Han to control the political and economic levers of Xinjiang, which boasts rich mineral, gas, and oil deposits."

Why didn't you say so? This conflict is less about a clash of religion and culture than a political takeover for resources/economic gain. Am I right?

The idea of fair trade strikes me here. Instead of the Han persecuting the Uighurs (there are reportedly huge differences in the living standards of the two groups with Han Chinese receiving government perks) why work out a way in which to extract the resources while providing Uighurs with incentives to govern the area to Beijing's liking? At this point, the Uighurs get shunted from their homeland and have nothing to show for it. Yes, I'm oversimplifying the situation, but it really is 'why can't everybody just get along?!'

Forget the ethnicity of each group for a moment and think of it this way: a powerful group wants the land and resources of another, less powerful group. It doesn't matter that they're Muslim or Buddhist (think Tibet), just that they are different and therefore able to be labelled as the Other and easier to target.

In similar circumstances, the rest of the world can see that this is unfair and tend to react accordingly (again, think 'Free Tibet'). Unfortunately there's no sympathy for the Uighurs because unlike peace-loving Tibetan separatists, Uighurs proved to be aggressive separatists. And the non-Muslim world is stil divided about whether Muslims, en masse religious community, are peaceful or terrorists.

It just brings me to think that religion and greed have no place in this world if we are to think of peace as more than just a concept.

20 July, 2009

At the risk of saving lives

Last week I went to two interesting lectures. The first was at my alma mater, Macquarie University, presented by bioethicist Peter Singer. Basically it was about climate change and the philosophy around how to deal with it fairly so that the people who caused it are responsible for the remedy and making sure the others don't add to the problem without infringing on their rights.

That was tied into poverty and other types of social damage caused by climate change and how each and every one of us could contribute to the solution whether through money, or our actions, or through influencing policy etc. Singer's point was basically the less you spend, the more you can give to charity and the more lives you can save.

I did start to wonder about the implications of this from an arts point of view. I don't buy a lot of clothing and I don't spend my money on things like makeup or jewellery, and I don't waste food. But I do spend a LOT of my money on arts-related things like music and gigs and publications and theatre. Is the concept of art, collectively, worth more than a human life?

I'm going to be controversial and misanthropic and say yes.

Can I really justify my answer? (Do I have to?) While it isn't quite articulated in my brain yet, the best way I can explain it is that art enhances life. To bastardise Nietzsche: "Without art, life would be a mistake."

Just off on a tangent, it's like those stats that talk about life expectancy and using life expectancy as a measurement for how advanced a country is. I can't remember who asked the question, maybe it was a columnist like Adele Horin, but what about the QUALITY of that life? What's the point in living an extra 20 years if those years are riddled with disease and misery? Bright star, would I were as steadfast as thou art, etc (Keats).

Anyway, so art enhances human life. I would go so far as to say that the art we create defines us as humans. So I don't think I will feel guilty about going to a gig instead of putting the money I would have spent on a ticket towards a charity.

My main concern is that the human life that is 'not saved' would probsbly be one that never contributed to the problems from which he or she suffered. It's rarely the Hummer-buyer that suffers when I decide to pay $150 to see Simon & Garfunkel instead of putting that money into Oxfam, it's more likely a fisherman from a low-lying island whose home and livelihood become consumed by rising water caused by climate change.

Sigh. Life ain't fair for some, but it doesn't mean I'll stop listening to music.

The second lecture was Max Barry's essay on Risk at the State Library. It was an intellectual, rather than mathematical, take on how we perceive risk and what taking risks can lead to, including how it builds you as a person.

The Q&A session was chaired by Julian Morrow from The Chaser, no stranger to risk himself. I think the best thing that came out of the event was the concept of learning from risk if it doesn't pay off, and also not risking things that you don't have to risk.

Barry's most telling remark was talking about a fan who had written in and told him he was thinking of killing himself because everything had gone wrong. Barry advised him not to kill himself, not because it was the wrong thing to do, but because the guy would risk killing himself at the worst possible moment, exiting at the lowest point in the 'curve' when things could only get better.

"'The best time to kill yourself,' I told him, 'is when everything is going really well because you know that that's as good as things will get and you only have misery to look forward to'."

Quite wise, really. At least it worked and the guy didn't kill himself.

27 June, 2009

MJ is dead, viva La Toya!

I don't have anything of value to add to the Michael Jackson news, jokes, tributes and montages. I don't even own an MJ album despite recognising that a great talent has gone from the world.

For the record, my favourite song of his is 'Man in the Mirror' but my favourite video clip is the full length 'Smooth Criminal'.

Last night I felt all I could do was watch my 'Ones' DVD and the 'Smooth Criminal' clip off my 'Moonwalker' DVD and go to bed.

I'm not sad that he's dead, he was a musician to me and musicians die. But I do hope this media frenzy dies. It's getting really boring now.

22 June, 2009

Welcome to Revesby

I went to visit a friend yesterday, she lives in Picnic Point, which is kind of near Bankstown, the outer areas of Sydney and not exactly the most desirable place to live in the metropolis despite its perfectly acceptable suburban-ness.

I walked to her place from Revesby Station, a 20-minute hike. On the way back I missed the train by a minute - I literally watched it go as I entered the street where the station was located.

So I decided to get some fish and chips (GRILLED fish, chips and salad, thank you) from a nearby chippie and eat it at the station. I get to the platform to the city - and there are paramedicas and transit officer everywhere. Then I see it, a body covered in a space blanket lying on the tracks.

I went into a minor panic until I realised one of the paramedics was speaking to said body and it was alive - the space blankets were there for warmth and to keep drizzle off.

I never did find out how he got down there - whether he fell, was pushed, or jumped, but I did think about what a terrible thing it would be if someone took a photo of him and posted it on the internet. No one did. Not that I know of anyway. Either it's a regular occurrence at Revesby Station or they have more dignity there than I imagined.

The train had to be delayed by 15 minutes as they scooped him off the tracks and into a waiting ambulance.

21 June, 2009

World Class Jokes

Q: How many community radio announcers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Aah... now, let's see... I think the answer is... yeah.... ah... let me just... that was changed by someone you've never heard of from a record label in Prague.

Q: What do you get if you cross a high school reunion with a computer virus?
A: Facebook.

Q: What's the difference between my love life and the global financial crisis?
A: One is a complicated disaster, the repercussions of which will be felt for years, the other is the global financial crisis.

Q: Why did the internet cross the road?
A: Something to do with porn!

By Justin Heazlewood in The Big Issue

06 June, 2009

Something like the cutest


Twitter is down and here is the cutest 'under maintenance' notice I've ever encountered.

04 June, 2009

Sydney meme

Questions extracted from Speakeasy #10 (edited/collated by Lee Tran Lam).

Answers by yours truly.

If you got to choose which landmarks Sydney would be famous for, what would they be?
The QVB, North Sydney Olympic Pool and the Martin Luther King wall in Newtown. They are fairly well-known landmarks but Sydney isn't famous for them, per se.

Where is the best place you've taken a photograph in Sydney?
Chinese Gardens. You cannot take a bad photo there, even if there are people in the shot.

What is something visitors always want to see in Sydney, much to your surprise?
Bondi Beach. I'd never been until I was about 22, got really excited about finally seeing this great Sydney, nay Australian icon, and was disappointed that it was just a small beach with a lot of posers on it.

The local street you remember most?
Highs Road, West Pennant Hills. I used to live off Highs, and my parents still do. Have been for very long walks along it with and without my dogs, have had friends live nearby, and rode my bike on a road for the first time on Highs.

Do you have a favourite snippet of Sydney history?
My old high school in Baulkham Hills was built on an orange orchard, which is why an orange forms part of the school crest. The school motto is 'Persevere' but if you misinterpret the crest it seems to say 'preserve oranges'.

Something you've never 'gotten' about Sydney?
Some of the things I see people wear (or not wear) down George Street on a Saturday night. Why Bondi Beach is so popular. The bus system.

What are a few of your favourite Sydney things?
Riding the train across the Harbour Bridge. Swimming at North Sydney Olympic Pool. Hiking up to Observatory Hill on a good night and just sitting there for a couple of hours.

What makes you stay in Sydney?
My comfort zone now extends for about 30km north, west and south (don't really do the east...). Job security - it's hard to find a decent job in the media when you land in a new place because you don't know anyone and the industry is all about who you know. Somebody has to pay the train fare.

Everyone recognises the icons of Sydney, but what's a great piece of architecture that people might not know about?
The interior of the State Theatre is amazing, so it's a pity they don't let you take photos.

I wouldn't say it's a great piece of architecture, but the Don Bank Museum in North Sydney is an interesting place I wish I were allowed to explore further.

If Sydney was a character, it would be...
Rakish, charming, outlandishly dressed and rich.

If Sydney was a literary genre it would be...
One of those pseudo hybrid photo history books.

The strangest thing you've discovered about Sydney?
The Baha'i Temple in Ingleside. Why a Baha'i Temple? Why Ingleside?

A building or place you keep returning to?
Waverton Station, out of necessity. Taronga Zoo - I sponsor the condors.

Something about Sydney you're always having to explain to visitors?
The narrow lanes on the Harbour Bridge and why you only pay toll one way. What happens when there's trackwork ('buses replace trains' etc).

Favourite Sydney places to:
Hear
: The Vanguard (Newtown). Even though the floor is expensive and the mezzanine is crowded.
Eat: Ichi Ban Boshi (Galeries Victoria), Cafe Ish (Surry Hills), Safi (North Sydney).
Drink: Edinburgh Castle Pub (City), Electric Bean (North Sydney), The Oaks (Neutral Bay).
Goods: Aero Plus (Chatswood), The Tea Centre (City), Kinokuniya (City).
Look: Wharf Theatre (Walsh Bay), Hayden Orpheum (Cremorne).
Stray: Luna Park to Waverton via Lavender Bay.

Sum up Sydney in a:
Sound
: toot of the trains
Texture: cool grass
Building: The QVB - ornate, but used as a shopping centre
Phrase: "The train to Hornsby via the North Shore line has been delayed by approximately six minutes."
Taste: dark chocolate. I can't believe how many chocolate cafes there are here.
Photograph: the Harbour Bridge unfinished - iconic but always under construction.

Brainless

So I haven't had the best day. My brain is moving at about half of its normal speed, which is already borderline roadhogging, so it's a wonder I made it home at all.

I had a sluggish day at work: yesterday morning I flung out 10 news stories for the website in half a day and felt pretty pleased about it (there are many things you can write about Australia not being in a recession). Today, in the same period, I managed to plod to five, scratching desperately for any angle that hadn't been overused by the mainstream press.

Then I was supposed to pump through a one-page report on the China Australia Business Congress I attended a couple of weeks ago for the magazine and it seriously took about 2.5 hours instead of half an hour.

Then I held back a sneeze and felt my eye pop. It was weird.

So I got sniffly and my head fogged up so I dismissed myself for the day (at about 4:30pm mind you, so not that much of an early mark) and shuffled homeward.

I'd brought with me a package to send to my friends in Finland as it is their wedding anniversary soon, and also I haven't sent them gifts I bought from my recent trip to Japan, and also there's a birthday thrown in there. So I went to the post office and found a suitable tough bag to put the shoebox of stuff in, paid for the bag and the postage and proceeded to address it.

I'd forgotten to bring the address. I thought I had it in my diary but apparently that was last year's diary. I even remembered most of the address, right down to the spelling of the street (no mean feat in Finnish) but could not for the life of me remember which number was the street address and which was the apartment number.

So I trudged home in the rain, parcel under arm, knowing it would be another day late to the post. I felt like shit, particularly because it wasn't really raining or even drizzling, just that really annoying spitting that doesn't justify an umbrella but gets everything damp anyway.

At the intersection before my place I got annoyed at a young chap in a hoodie dawdling down the footpath, dithering about whether to cross the road, only when I got closer I saw it was an old lady hunched into her fleece jacket stepping carefully around the wet spots on the footpath and I felt ashamed for even contemplating saying something nasty like "sometime today might be nice".

I got home, was pleased to get home, ate two choc fudge cookies without thinking about it (had previously vowed to eat healthy on account of being on the brink of having a cold). Cursed self. Had half a glass of juice with vitamin C in and a large mug of honey and apple cider vinegar 'tea'. Made and ate a big salad while reading Speakeasy #10, at which point my mood lifted considerably.

I don't remember the natural remedies to treat an oncoming cold, just the tricks to soothe a sore throat. Amazingly the lurgy I have has not carpe jugulum just yet so I feel a good sleep tonight may throw it off.

I will be SHIP SHAPE for this coming long weekend. Because I DESERVE the long weekend.

01 June, 2009

I'm back with the books


My doppelganger has appeared on the State Library website again. This I find highly amusing.

28 May, 2009

The Prophecy of the White Cat

When I was in Scotland about four years ago, I went to see a tea leaf reader as a bit of fun and because I thought it might make good fodder for my as-yet-unborn tea zine. (For those of you who know me personally, I have many as-yet-unborn zines).

Among other things, the psychic with the two lazy eyes told me I'd be given a white cat that I couldn't refuse, but I wouldn't be able to keep it for long.

I told my friend Beq (whose apartment I'd squatted in during most of my time in Scotland) and every time we think something is random we talk about being offered a white cat.

This prophecy has almost nothing to do with what happened to me on Tuesday.

Last week I went to the China Australia Business Congress as part of my editorial duty. At lunch on day two I met a guy called David who had a business bringing delegates out to Australia to look for investment opportunities.

When I told him I edited a magazine his eyes lit up: "You're in publishing. I have a publishing delegation from China coming next Tuesday. Are you free to meet with them?"

I gave him my card and said I should be free. He said he'd send an email with details.

A fair bit of to-ing and fro-ing later I find out there are 17 delegates in the group, therefore too many to meet at my workplace (which contains 15 staff) so David books a room at the CQU Sydney campus.

I'm not sure what I was expecting of the meeting. I thought it'd be me, a translator and 17 delegates sitting around a large boardroom table. I'd begin by introducing my company and its publications and then they'd ask me some questions.

Instead, it's me in a classroom with all of them looking at me expectantly like I know the meaning of life (and the right investment strategy for publishing in Australia).

So I tell them about our flagship newsstand publication, our two custom titles and the two websites we have just launched. The translator takes twice as long to translate my words than it takes for me to speak them. I get a little suspicious.

I finish, the translator suggests I sit down, and the questions begin. They range from legal and government involvement in the publishing industry to whether or not jobs in the publishing industry are well regarded, well paid. I get quizzed on the types of magazines that do well, whether the online versions have changed the readership, what I think about the impact of eBooks.

It's a gruelling process, but I speak well because I have nothing to lose and I answer smartly because every now and again I read my Walkley magazine and listen to KatBear talk about something interesting in AdNews and take a genuine interest in my industry. Thank goodness for that.

At the end of the session, the delegation's leader recounts some facts about the Henan province (where they are from) and then delves into some art history. The culmination of the history lesson is the presentation of a gift for my time, a piece of embroidery within a wooden frame. Lo and behold:

It's a white cat

Isn't it creepy?

I am not suggesting for one moment that the tea leaf reader foresaw this very moment. In fact I don't think she was very good or accurate at all. But the presentation of the white cat did give me the giggles, which I had to suppress as I solemnly accepted the gift and thanked all in the delegation. Then posed for photos with the leader as I accepted the gift.

Then it was time for group photos. A couple all together and then one of me with every individual - me holding their magazine, them holding one of mine etc... Did I mention there was one member of the delegation filming the whole session?

So that's how my entire Tuesday afternoon turned out to be a bizarre experience. Ultimately good, but bizarre. You have to consider me an expert in the publishing industry now.

Anyway, although I am tempted to keep the cat to put in my curios cabinet for strange and hideous things (the as-yet-unborn cabinet at my as-yet-unlived-in townhouse) I think I know just the person to re-gift it to...

27 April, 2009

20 April, 2009

Cheer up!



Social experiment gone right

19 April, 2009

Self Portrait with Goat


At Kyoto Zoo

Yeah, that's right, I went to the ZOO in a city of world heritage-listed temples. You got a PROBLEM with that?

13 April, 2009

Sakura


A walk in the park

When you visit temples and shrines for three days straight you just want a break. This is me in Marayuma Park, Kyoto, this morning. I probably look a little pissed off because I wanted to find the mysterious bell tower in the park but kept ending up at one of the many temples or shrines surrounding the park (like, three of them).

I don't think staying in Kyoto for so long was a good idea, but I would like to come back when my tolerance for temples has increased again.

Now, what to do in Osaka?

10 April, 2009

Zoo and tea


Kitty stalker

Hello Kitty. She's following me around...

This is just a couple of the cool rides at the Fukuoka Zoo. I'm continuing my tradition of visiting the zoo and having high tea (although none of my teas have been particularly 'high' while in Japan...).

I'm just about to meet the 8am opening of the Kamigamo Shrine in Kyoto. It's going to be a bit difficult to fit in Kyoto Zoo among all the other sites, but I'll try.

07 April, 2009

Hostels

Hostels get a bit of a bad rap as a travel experience sometimes. For the most part they are all the same - a dorm with a few people in it, shared bathrooms and German tourists with solid shoes.

I'll admit that I quite like hostels. The staff are always friendly (like ALWAYS) and in my experience they all speak English (even the American ones) and can help out with the local language. While I don't really like the shared bathroom thing, Japan has been a great place to stay at a hostel because everything is so incredibly CLEAN (they don't even let you wear shoes into your room).

But the best part about hostel stays is meeting other travellers. While they probably won't become your friends for life, you'll most likely enjoy an interesting conversation or two and may even share a meal or an experience. And if someone annoys you, you know it's only temporary.

Last night I was accidentally assigned to a mixed dorm instead of a female dorm, which I didn't mind. I ended up being in a dorm with three guys, one of whom did not return to sleep that night. There is a distinct difference between guys and girls in dorms and that is STUFF. Girls have their stuff strewn everywhere possible, with the only space being the path required to go from the beds to the door. I'm a bit more guy-like, I like to put stuff all over my bed but I never scatter things all over the floor.

The other thing about girls is that they have a LOT of stuff. Looking at the clothes I packed (I think it was 5 tops, 2 skirts and 2 pants) I now realise I probably didn't need so many tops and could have done with one less skirt. But a lot of the girls I see in hostels have the equivalent of half my wardrobe in their suitcase, with the rest devoted to a bag of toiletries, a bag of cosmetics, a hair dryer, a hair straightener and a bag of hair products. What the? The guys in my room last night had one small rucksack each and a small daypack. That was it. I was incredibly impressed.

I didn't really feel like doing the 'so where are you from?' thing because I was so tired last night but the guy in the bunk below asked me and the other dude whether it was okay if he woke up early the next morning and I said 'you gotta do what you gotta do' and the other dude piped up and asked 'is that an Aussie accent I hear?'. He was from New York and had visited Australia a few months back. The other guy turned out to be from Poland but had been working in Sydney for 6 years and asked me whereabouts in Australia. When I said 'Sydney', he said 'whereabouts in Sydney?' and when I said 'North Sydney' he said 'whereabouts in North Sydney?'. Turns out he has a desire to buy a place in Waverton or Wollstonecraft, which sparked a conversation about my part of the world.

Anyway, that's my ramble. I'm currently staying at a Japanese-style hostel (futons on tatami mats) but there doesn't seem to be any other guests. The front part is a noodle shop. The internet is free, except it's on the floor so I've been sitting cross-legged for almost an hour and it's very uncomfortable and my beer is getting warm. Ta ta.

06 April, 2009

Hello Kitty


Mountain Yolk

Japan is the land of Hello Kitty, the Sanrio character with more guises than Barbie. Clear evidence of Japan's love of this feline is shown at almost every tourist spot. This photo was taken in Owakudani, the site of high volcanic activity that gives the nearby holiday town of Hakone its reputation as a good site for onsen (hot spring) soaking.

Owakudani is famous for its black eggs, which are just ordinary chicken eggs boiled in the hot springs, which turns them black because of the minerals etc. The Hello Kitty on Owakudani is therefore of Ms Kitty in a black egg.

You can also see how tourist-friendly Japan is with the sign behind yours truly selling the black egg in four different languages: Japanese, English, Korean and Chinese.

02 April, 2009

Glitter garnish


Bling for your hamburger

According to my sister-in-law, Yuko, when kids go to school there is an obligation to make their lunch look cool. Hence, there is an entire industry devoted to products that allow you to press happy faces into rice, arrange seaweed in new and interesting ways and, sparkle up your hamburger. I bet you this product only sells well in Japan.

Shortly after this picture was taken I was reprimanded by a store assistant for taking a photo. Shortly after THAT, there was announcement in Japanese and English over the PA system telling customers not to take photos. So don't let anyone tell you I'm not laying it on the line when I take my lens out.

30 March, 2009

On Stanley Street


The Stanley Street Unicyclist

24 March, 2009

Great mates

So my friend Ass and I have decided to find each other a partner. In fact, there's a wager going on as to who will find the other a partner first. It didn't start well when she jokingly tried to construct a personals ad for me, calling me a mathematician.

For the record, the personal I would write for myself would be:
"Low maintenance, non-smoking, eco-friendly girl seeks male version for gigs, card games and adventures on foot."

ANYWAY, I don't know what it is about me or my body language that doesn't quite communicate the fact that I understand when someone is joking and often return the joke, but the return joke isn't accepted as being evidence that I understood the original joke.

So Ass has her mathematician joke.

I return with: "I'm not sure I want in on this any more, I don't think you'll accurately represent me."

A genuine protest: "I'm joking!"

Now, Ass and I have been friends for more than 12 years. In the absence of a need to have a best friend, she would be one of the closest relationships to a best friend I have. You would think by now she would know when I understand a joke and turn it back.

Is it because I played it serious? Is that the cause of confusion? But surely someone who knows me well would know my deadpan mode. Or am I really just not as well known or understood by my friends as I at first thought? Maybe I'm not such an open book.

05 March, 2009

In the mail

An invitation to the Australian Embassy's 'Australia Day in Spring' party in Tokyo for the 2nd April.

Sakura, sakura, sakura!

20 February, 2009

Lightbulb moments

Welcome to the world of publishing. Unfortunately this is pretty much representative of how it works...

Q: How many sub-editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We can't tell whether you mean "insert a new lightbulb" or "have sexual relations inside a lightbulb". Can we reword it to remove ambiguity?

Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?

Q: How many proof readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The last time this was asked it involved Art Directors. Is the difference intentional? It seems inconsistent.

Q: How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why do we have to change it?

Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It was supposed to be in place last week!

Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make it neon, is it?

Q: How many advertising directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We're not sure because the client might change it tomorrow. Cut some editorial anyway.

Q: How many sales directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (pause) I get it! It's one of those lightbulb jokes, right?

15 February, 2009

Leonard Cohen (gigs)


Leonard Cohen
Sydney Entertainment Centre, Sydney (28th, 29th January, 2009)

Australian troubadour Paul Kelly accompanied by his nephew Dan Kelly (formerly of Dan Kelly and The Alpha Males) opened the show for the bard, and while Kelly's songs don't quite have the guile of Cohen's, it's easy to see how their folk roots have parallels. Kelly delivered an engaging set, one that creates modern history as he sings, which was a suitable introduction to the Leonard Cohen mood.

The last time Leonard Cohen toured Australia I didn't even know my alphabet, let alone the mark of a great poem, so it was with great pleasure that I attended both of his Sydney shows - and with some luck I hope to attend more on subsequent tours.

Leonard has an unfair reputation for producing dark music with suicidal overtones, but I actually find that a lot of what he does has an element of fantasy to it, which holds a mirror up to some really big issues in society. Creating mirrors is what great art does, so it's no wonder that all he had to do was appear on stage to receive a standing ovation from the crowd.

Cohen and his performing band, Unified Heart, are a sophisticated lot. They have the slickness of professionals with the warmth of a cabaret band that belied the vast Sydney Entertainment Centre auditorium. And let's not forget they were all decked out in dark suits. The bard himself spent the first three songs alternately kneeling on the large red decorated rug and honouring his virtuoso guitarist Javier Mas and standing with his eyes closed, facing the audience.

There was a particularly brand of humility and sincerity that I was interested in. The spotlight seemed to anoint him, the songs were killer hits and yet he seemed genuinely touched that the audience applauded them so, in thunderous cascades. He removed his hat after each number, nodding his acknowledgement to the crowd and to the support Unified Heart afforded him.

I was a little disappointed with 'Everybody Knows', one of my favourite Cohen songs, as it was performed rather haltingly in spoken word style over a marching rhythm rather than echoing the recorded version - the vocals expressing deadpan resignation over a futuristic synth beat - but 'Who by Fire' was a surprise highlight of the first set. I've never really cared much for the song, but it began with a riveting guitar introduction by Javier Mas and then transcended into something akin to a gypsy-infused performance-long question.

Despite a few laughs, such as in 'Chelsea Hotel No. 2' - "you told me again you preferred handsome men, but for me you would make an exception" - Cohen didn't address the audience until after 'Hey, that's no way to say goodbye'. It went something like: "It's been 15 years since I've been on the road. Back then at 60, I was just a kid with a crazy dream..." The first half ended with a striking, extended 'Anthem', introducing each member of Unified Heart, my second pick of the first set.

The man sitting next to me on the first night described Leonard as looking like "a Galapagos tortoise" and I could see his point. The ancient bard with his weathered face and saddened eyes peered into the spotlight imploring and wise, later undercut by an anecdote he shared to head the second half: "One day I was drinking with my [Buddhist] teacher. He was about 95 at the time. He leaned over and said 'excuse me for not dying' - I know what he means."

With that he launched into 'Tower of Song' playing a dinky keyboard with one hand and with plenty of irony for his "golden voice". 'Boogie Street' was performed by prime collaborator Sharon Robinson in cabaret style while 'Hallelujiah' was suitably reverent, built like it was meant to be built, stanza by stanza until the emotion spilled out in crescendo on the later choruses. But there was no stopping him, popular song and thunderous song or not, he launched straight into 'I'm your man', another song I never cared too much for - but which blew me away with what? Sincerity?

I tell you, it was like he was writing the song there and then, giving birth to it fully formed with all the bones, the emotion and inspiration for it, audible for all to hear. This was followed closely by another naked rendition, this time 'A thousand kisses deep' performed, heartbreakingly, in spoken word.

The encore was more upbeat, with more vigorous vocal stylings, particularly as it began with 'So long Marianne' and 'First we take Manhattan', both songs which could be construed as calls to action. He then contrasted these with a sombre 'Famous Blue Raincoat' which eased the animation of the first two songs.

He was barely gone before skipping back for a second encore, opening the way for 'If it be your will' with a spoken word introduction, which was then exquisitely sung by the Webb sisters, part of Unified Heart. He then rounded off with a knees-up - 'Democracy' (first night) / 'Closing time' (second night).

Ovations were abundant so it was with tongue firmly in cheek that the last encore began with 'I tried to leave you' and a touching all-company send off to the tune of 'Wither thou goest'.

============
Set list:
Dance me to the end of love
The Future
Ain't no cure for love
Bird on a wire
Everybody knows
In my secret life
Who by fire
Death of a ladies man *
Chelsea Hotel No. 2
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye
Sisters of mercy **
Anthem
~~~
Tower of song
Suzanne
Gypsy wife
The partisan
Boogie street
Hallelujiah
I'm your man
A thousand kisses deep
This waltz
~~~
So long Marianne
First we take Manhattan
Famous blue raincoat
~~~
If it be your will
Democracy *
Closing time **
~~~
I tried to leave you
Wither thou goest *

* First show only
** Second show only

A few points to note:
* 'careless sex' replaced 'anal sex' in the lyrics for The Future
* 'mighty heart' replaced 'sacred heart' in the lyrics for Everybody Knows
* 'you' replaced every 'ya' in the lyrics for Hallelujiah
* 'I didn't come all the way to Sydney to fool you' - Hallelujiah

============

It's hard to top a standing ovation before a note has been played but Leonard Cohen and Unified Heart did it with a very classy show and some really deep performances that drew out the essence of the songs and launched them over the 12,000-strong audience.

It was a well-balanced show, a mix of old and new pieces, the bass-baritone of the bard against the angelic harmonies of Sharon and the Webb sisters, the stark lyrics and proud musicality of the band and the humorous touches encased within the transcendental truths of the songs. Loved it. Will be hard for anyone to top performances like these.

Gig rating: 9/10
Enjoyment rating: 10/10

26 January, 2009

All Tomorrow's Parties (Festival)


All Tomorrow's Parties
Cockatoo Island, Sydney (18th January, 2009)

I want to say first up that I have no particular affinity with Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, the band that curated the line-up for the Australian ATP. However, I do put a lot of trust into the Sydney Festival and the wonderful undiscovered (by me) things that it brings. Add to the fact that I got a big fat tax return at the time the SydFest program was released last year and loved the really cool ATP graphic (shown) and I was in, never mind no one else wanted to go.

Well, I was glad I went! It was one of the most positive festival experiences I've ever had in both a musical and crowd sense. Here's the skinny:

Bridezilla: Too dark for the midday sun, but they seared with the biting intensity of having being bitten, with experience that belied their age but was perhaps made more angsty because of it. Bridezilla know how to transform their pain into an entertaining set, interpreting it for the audience so that the average listener (approiximately twice their age, by all accounts) understood and remembered what it was like to be a disturbed teenager again.

Beaches: Heavy instrumental band whose late night road trip soundtracks thud with the after effects of a big night out - both literally and musically.

Conway Savage: "Welcome to the old fart's stage," greeted Savage as a slew of punters settled into the Barracks area. Savage's key-laden poetry fashioned the afternoon into a cabaret lounge that only red wine and cigars might have enhanced. The sleepy piano suits a casual Sunday afternoon as much as a midnight on Saturday in an underground wine bar. Uptempo, he loses some magic, which he has to work to regain with the next elegy.

Afrirampo: I though listening to a band consisting of just a guitar and drums did not a compelling gig make, but I was wrong. Afri's stadium-sized sound was fun-filled, if a little discordant. True performers, the two played with, as well as to, the gathered audience. Probably one worth getting right up the front for, but worthwhile nonetheless. The thrashing pop/rock isn't everyone's cup of tea, but then again, some people only drink Coca Cola.

Dead Meadow: Dead Meadow are very much alive and well - you can find them in warbling guitars and the wispy rock 'n' roll vocals of their lead singer. The quivering waves of sound resonate with big promises of some random adventure, like a carload of hippies on the trail of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas taking tequila shots in a beat-up Chevy.

Robert Forster: Forster begins innocently enough, but his feelgood acoustic rock hooks are hard to resist. His sense of fun is infectious in a head-bobbing, toe-tapping sense. You can't be in a bad mood during his set. His sunny tunes hark back to a time less tainted by the horrors of the modern era, with a dash of contemplation thrown in.

The Necks: Chilled but not complacent, The Necks delivered a 45-minute improvisation that was three parts aural challenge, one part mellowness, arresting attention through twirling combinations of piano, drums and cello. Their sound rolls into the ear like a wave that at first seems placid but turns out to produce a roar. Sit up and pay attention or you'll miss a trick.

The Saints: The jangly guitars lay a loose foundation for the not-quite-there-but-trying-to-remember vocals. It's easy to see how The Saints made their mark in the punk era and clear how indie rock bands still borrow from them. But the deliberate off-key pitch wrapped around reminiscence of times past grows tiresome as the set wears on.

James Blood Ulmer: Went up to the Barracks expecting Passenger of Shit but a schedule change saw jazz guitarist James Blood Ulmer there instead, nimbly working his guitar and broadcasting the blues. Captivating for most there, but I just wasn't in the mood.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: The harsh narrative style of NC&TBS thoroughly suits their thrown-against-the-wall sound that encompasses elements of tribal beats, rock and unashamed balladeering. The music soars with energy, giving the band a full, rich sound perfectly fitting for an island-wide set of rock antics and dark lyrics. Cave's growl does grate so it takes a fan to listen all the way through without taking some time out.

Fuckbuttons: Experimental electronica is an art but, at the end of a day my tired ears were soon too tender to comprehend the scratchy rhythm after a third of their set. Away I went to the ferry wharf and home.

A word about the crowd: Everyone was extraordinarily well-behaved. There was no pushing, no drunk dancing leading to beer spillage, leading to biffs. No 'excuse me, you're in my view'. No use of yours truly as a thoroughfare (this happens often enough for me to comment on it when it doesn't happen). And there were more tattoos and piercings than I've ever seen on a crowd.

The only thing I would change is the food system. The food was expensive and not very good, in addition to the fact that ticketholders weren't allowed to bring their own picnics. The $8 for two tiny bean tacos was a rort and by the time it got to dinnertime, they'd run out most of the original menu items, but were still charging the full $9.50 for an improvised, slapped together beef pattie on a bun with pesto and about three leaves of rocket. Not good enough! Considering most people would be there for about 12 hours, it would be easy to spend $30-$40 on sub-par fare in addition to the $150 ticket already outlaid. Healthier, affordable options, or allowing picnics should be the way to go.

As testament to the good time I had, I've since bought albums from at least three of the artists I saw (and am still trying to find out where I can get something from Conway Savage) and have a new respect for Nick Cave, who I've always thought of as a wannabe rock version of Leonard Cohen. More festivals like this, please!

Festival rating: 8/10
Enjoyment rating: 9/10

13 January, 2009

Poetry Smoetry

I write poetry occasionally. I don't pretend to be very good, but I often feel compelled to jot down a description of the way I'm feeling in words that are more weighty and evocative than your average.

That being said, I dislike reading poetry that seems contrived. I have a red flag for rhyming poetry, because rhyming poetry is often the refuge of people who don't really understand what poetry is (especially people who don't write creatively very often or at all). Hallmarks of a non-poet: the rhymes are unoriginal and forced.

So what is poetry? This is where I admit to being elitist and vague. My definition of poetry is an expression or description of a thought or emotion, or an event or scene that represents a thought or emotion.

As an example of what I mean, I believe that when Keats wrote about autumn, he was using autumn as a metaphor for impending death and by describing autumn scenes, it represented his acceptance and celebration of the period of his life prior to his impending death.

Hence, the 'poem' that I received as part of my cousin's wedding invitation is not poetry. It's just a rhyme politely saying they don't want any useless junk so please donate to their honeymoon travel fund instead:

In our home we have the things
That living together always brings
Toasters, tumblers we have bought
And because of this we thought
A honeymoon would be great
If wedding guests wish to participate
So we can ski overseas or travel far and wide
But never leave each others side
And when our honeymoon is done
We will thank you all for the fun!

There is, of course, another brand of poetry, which is the poem that just simply isn't very good. I will preface this rant by saying that I KNOW poetry is a subjective thing so what I don't find very good could be someone else's shining example of poetry in its best form.

Poetry that isn't very good usually contains one or more of the following:
Rhymes that are forced: If it isn't coming naturally, then it's not really representing a thought/emotion truly
Rhymes that don't make sense: Rhyme for the sake of rhyme is a crime
Metre that is forced: Creates an ugly disruption to the flow of the poem without adding meaning
Does not represent a thought or emotion: See purpose of poetry
Does not evoke a thought or emotion: Why read it?
Words or lines that don't add to the reader's understanding or investment into the poem or poet: Good poetry says what it needs to say in the number of words it requires to say it and not one more. Good editing will fix this; sloppy poets will be revealed through redundant words and lines
Lack of awareness of form: Just like putting a bandage on a wound does not make you a doctor, writing a poem does not make you a poet. I believe there needs to be an awareness of the purpose of poetry as a means to communicate or capture a thought or emotion, even if the only person to understand that thought/emotion is the poet.

Now, I know I should say egalitarian things like 'anybody can be a poet if they write poetry' to encourage more people to appreciate the form, but it truly is an art that requires dedication and practice and I don't want to denigrate the art by calling any old ditty a poem.

So, A for effort - you can rhyme 'fire' with 'desire' - but you have a long way to go before you're writing poetry.

The pup's all right

duuude...  FISTBUMP!!!

10 January, 2009

Curtain fail

For the second time this week, attempts to usurp the curtains in my living room have failed. My current curtains look like they belong in a childcare centre from the 1970s. I am currently trying to find an inoffensive pair but they have both fallen short - literally - despite measuring and re-measuring the existing curtains.

Perhaps it is one of those situations where new curtains will never fit the window. It reminds me of that scene from Sam & Max Hit the Road where you go into a vortex and Max keeps changing size so he can't enter some of the doors (the trick is to throw a switch to change the configuration of the vortex).

My windows change height when they don't like the curtains I choose.